Monday, December 29, 2008

Staying committed

I've been on the path to getting fit and healthy before. My most successful time was this past summer when I was so motivated to not be the "chubby girl" next to my cousin's 4 other thin bridesmaids. Those wedding pictures are forever. After the wedding, I cut myself some slack, dated a beer brewer (hence indulging in endless amounts of free German-style lager straight from the tanks - delicious), and having fun going out becuase I had never looked so good in my clothes as I had after the wedding. All of which led me to gain back in three months all the weight I had lost in those grueling 8 weeks.

One of the toughest parts about eating clean is having to do it with other people around. During the summer, I remember eating my 6 oz of orange roughy with steamed vegetables and grilled asparagus in the lunchroom at work. Mind you, this meal is probably something that would be on a menu in a fancy sit-down restaurant. In any case, my healthy and delicious lunch was too often greeted by "What the heck is that?" or "Is that all you are going to eat?" or even "That's disgusting. I don't know how you are going to eat that?" I could only want to explain my new clean eating lifestyle so many times, before I could no longer take people's judgemental comments. I resorted to eating lunch at my desk or eating a lunch later in the break room, so I wouldn't have to endure such negativity. When my hard work started showing, I gained back a little confidence to start heating up my lunch while people were wrapping up their meals. Now, I was replying back to their comments with, "so I could look this good."

This time around it's no different. I went to dinner with a few current and former co-workers this Saturday at Benihana's. Knowing the tempation that lurk in this type of place, I ate a healthy dinner at home before hand and took a Tight Curves supplement before I left the house. I ordered the chicken and ice water while I was there. My plan to be discrete about my health consciousness was quickly called out. I sat through comments, rolling eyes, and laughters of disbelief as I explained the body transformation contest and the plan to compete is at least one amateur figure or bikini contest. This was an uncomfortable situation. Inside I was slightly hurt and wanted to leave. With pride like mine, I couldn't let them win with their negative comments. I just smiled and thought to myself that they were projecting their own insecurities onto me. I didn't break that night. I saved my meal for my brother who loves any leftovers that I bring him. I continued to drink up the ice water and enjoy converstation with others instead.

The lesson is I have to do the contest and the future competition(s) for myself. Otherwise, comments about what I eat, about the purpose of being fit or about "parading around in a bikini" will break me. I have to stay committed to myself. The way to prove that is to not give in to temptation when it's taunting itself in front of me and being egged on by naysayers. I'm committed to changing myself so I can be proud of myself at the end. I'm not doing this to be accepted by others who don't care enough about my health and my self-esteem that they taunt and question my goals. DO IT FOR YOU!